11:43 – Documenting Chain of Events

This evening while walking to the post office and back enjoying an ice cream from Diary Queen (in the honor of my uncle’s birthday,) my mom said something interesting.

“The air out here feels like it did the two weeks before 9/11.”

…So, is that the source of the strange feeling then?

It certainly was an interesting observation. As she has also been experiencing the same weird feeling I’ve felt for a little while now. She then turned to me and said, “Do you remember that, or were you too young still?”

Truth is, I do remember it. I remember all of it.

In fact there were family, friends, and some of my dad’s closest memories tied to those buildings, and tied to New York.

I’d never seen him cry so much until that day, I still remember it like it happened only yesterday. My uncle if he hadn’t woken up late and missed his subway would’ve died in the first building where his office was.

It was a scary day, one that shook the country to it’s core.

The only question that now remains is, what is the feeling tied too now? What is the connection? What’s going to happen? The funny thing is, there’s no way too know.

My mom said she didn’t think anyone else knew what she was talking about, I knew, but none of my other siblings that are currently living with me  did. (My 14 year old sister was born in 2000 and only almost a year old and my other two siblings were born after the event.)

It had an almost ominous feeling. The air was stagnant and almost held a looming dread, it was almost like, dare I say it? It was almost like death was close by.

And while that might sound dramatic and spooky, it was true.

I just worry now, if something big happens again, or something BIGGER, what will be the reaction to a world already ravaged?

Stuff to think on I guess.

Until next time,



4:40 am – Can’t Sleep Again… Sigh.

So this seems to be happening a lot more lately, which is puzzling.

I went through some terrible insomnia once before, and this is starting to get scary again. The last time was pretty weird… Although I’ll save everyone time by not going on about that.

Well, I was watching the show ‘Castle’ again, but this time by myself. It actually is pretty good, I had seen a few episodes a few years ago, but lost track. Feels good to catch up and it has most things I like in it.

Mystery, crimes, two hilarious leads, and engaging stories. All it’s missing is a horror or paranormal element to be a complete package of what I like, but it works without those things, and not everything can be horror or paranormal related. That would just be boring if it was.

And I like variety anyways.

One reason I’m writing this post is that strange feeling came back again. That weird one of something isn’t right somewhere, but it’s almost like I can’t pinpoint the what, where, or even how I’m feeling it.

There’s been a lot of times when my gut instinct has told me something, and I didn’t act on it, and something terrible happened. However, this time I don’t know what I need to be acting on to prevent or learn what is to come.

I’m not sure I’d call it ‘psychic’ but clearly something is happening and I’m not a fan of the strange feeling that keeps appearing out of nowhere. Not even watching a TV show could drown it out this evening.

Makes me wonder, am I losing my mind or something? I don’t even know what that is anymore to be honest.

Maybe this weirdness is coming from the death in the family I learned about a few days ago.

It wasn’t anyone I was close too, and it might sound cold but, it was someone who was supposed to be family that betrayed me last year. I didn’t feel much when I learned they were gone, just a sense of it being somehow surreal.

Could they really be gone? Was it true? At first I didn’t believe it, but I soon found out. Yep. It was very true.

It was strange, but… Maybe I’m just heartless? I didn’t feel anything. As soon as the words came, “They’re gone.”

…I drew a blank. I went, “What?” And of course my sister had to repeat what she said.

But I’m not sure so much if it was because I didn’t hear her right or if it dealt more with the strange dream I had the night before the news broke out.

Of course I’d go into more details but I’m still coming to terms with it, so I think I’ll save it for another post at another time.

Well, it’s almost 5am now and the silence is eerie. Nothing is making a sound but my fingers across this keyboard.

Not much scares me, but whatever this is… feeling, premonition, deja vu, I don’t know. It is no doubt, starting to freak me out a bit.

And as I sit here, in front of the window the streetlight outside keeps going on and off. Anyone ever get the feeling you’ll be typing on the computer and you’ll look outside and someone will be standing there? Yeah. Well I’m getting that feeling now.

Time to close the blinds. Only problem is then, it still feels like I’m being watched.

Ugh. I guess there’s no rest for a ghost magnet sadly, sometimes I understand how Jennifer Love-Hewitt felt in Ghost Whisperer. Can’t nobody catch a break?

Ha. Just thought of a weird twist, what if it’s not a ghost but actually somebody….?

Well, I’m rambled for too long. Now off to watch more Castle, and wait for the sun to come up…when I can actually get some sleep. Makes me wonder have I actually turned into a vampire? Could be convenient, I’d not have to worry about eating food anymore, could save a lot of money. Although, not so sure I could get into blood drinking. Doesn’t sound very pleasant to me.

Goodnight fellow bloggers and readers, and hopefully my strange posts don’t scare you off. This is just one of those random products of being up too late and being over tired but unable to sleep. I’m sure many have been there before and knows what it feels like.

And now,

Until next time my readers (and possible lack thereof)


Paper Mache Lanterns

Today my sister found the instructions to make paper mache lanterns. 🙂

It’s been a long time since I’ve worked with paper mache making pinata’s for the Halloween parties we used to do when I was a kid.

I would go into a funny experience with one that we reinforced with duct tape so it would last longer but I’ll save that for another time.

Anyways, what started out as serious work ended up hilarious when our kitten, Nagisa, tried to help and eat the paper mache. Haha.

We’ve made two so far but their still in the beginning stages and I’ll post photos of them as soon as their finished! 😀

As well as a new painting I’m working on that I think is coming along great.

Until next time readers,


Metaphorical Masquerades

Well, a friend and I were talking about masquerades and being a big fan of the Phantom of the Opera she got off on the metaphors for masquerades in stories, books, films, tv shows and anywhere else they sometimes can make an appearance.

I was thinking about it, and it’s interesting concept that most use masquerades as a metaphor of hidden danger, secret identity, and mystery.

It’s a way to let yourself go, so to speak, to become something else that your not. Of course it an be noted that a similar effect of this same type of metaphor is placed on the Halloween holiday as well.

I’m a firm believer that it’s that mystery, the uncertainty and that almost powerful edge you feel during a masquerade (or Halloween party for that matter) that draws people in.

It’s that idea that you can be, and do almost anything you want in those few hours of the party or ball, and it’s likely nobody will ever know. (That is unless of course you have Sherlock Holmes on your trail, but I’ll leave that for another post.)

One aspect of the masquerade that I’ve always been personally drawn too is the masks. Their always so elegant and visual, with so much detail that it’s not wonder you rarely notice whose behind the mask. With such precision and handiwork taken to create those stunning creations, it just adds to the mystery.

I also want to take note on what the word means: (Although, it has many, many meanings it would appear.)





  1. A costume party at which masks are worn; a masked ball. Also called masque.
  2. A costume for such a party or ball.


  1. a.A disguise or false outward show; a pretense: a masquerade of humility.
  2. An involved scheme; a charade.

intr.v. mas.quer.ad.edmas.quer.ad.ing, mas.quer.ades

  1. To wear a mask or disguise, as at a masquerade: She masqueraded as a shepherd.
  2. To go about as if in disguise; have or put on a deceptive appearance: The stowaway masqueraded as a crew member.

[French: mascarade, from Italian mascarata, variant of mascherata from Old Italian, maschera, mask; see mask.]

 mas’quer’ad’er n.

It’s interesting to me, how one word (and this is with almost every word as well) can have one meaning that is usually most associated with it.

Much like with masquerade, it’s normally more associated with being deceived, deception, and things not appearing as they should and/or would seem.

Which goes back of course, to the original reason for this posting. The metaphorical side of the word masquerade, and the reasoning behind it being due to the mystery and the hidden agendas that could be and/or carried out at the masquerade party.

It does make one wonder, if this is the reasoning why most would give sentences such as:

“The criminal’s masquerade was over, he wasn’t actually Mr. Bronx, the CEO of a respectable company. He is actually Mr. Sherwin, a con artist and known petty thief.”

In regards to the word ‘masquerade’? I think so, because most of the time, at least fifty percent of the time a masquerade is shown (at least in my experience that is,) something is about to go down that will blow the story, film, book, show or whatever other media is may be in, wide opened.

I suppose though, that’s just the beauty of such a multi-dimensional word and one that can mean something as graceful as an elegant party and also double as deception and treachery.

Another metaphor to be noted, and that could be used is how sometimes treachery and deception can be beautiful and deadly; before the truth comes out. Just like a masquerade can be elegant and a thing of beauty, but also hold that same deception and treachery behind it’s costumes and masks.

It is certainly a topic to get the creative mind working. 🙂

And now,

Until next time, my readers!


4:58 AM – What Am I doing?

So. It’s 4:58 am here on the East Coast.

I just spent the last hour (or two) watching the show Castle with my brother and a friend of his. It was pretty fun, although I should’ve been asleep hours ago knowing I have to get up for class tomorrow — but I can’t seem to sleep.

There’s been this uneasy feeling lately. A feeling I can’t quite understand, but somehow do at the same time. It’s left me feeling — almost numb, almost like an intense feeling of deja vu.

This feeling tells me something isn’t right, but yet I can’t pinpoint why or how, and it just seems that every day rolls together synchronizing as one.

I’m supposed to be writing, working on class work, editing, drawing, painting, anything to take my mind off this, but the truth is I somehow can’t.

I wrote a piece today, for daily themes called ‘Cemetery Wishes’ it’s in all sense of the word terrible, but I kind of like it anyways. I had no idea where I was going with the idea so the words didn’t flow as great as some of my previous works, and it’s starting to make me wonder… have I somehow lost my ability to write?

I’m not sure if every writer goes through this, but it just seems I can’t do it.

Sure, I set down I open projects I’m working on, I do a little editing and then I write but afterwards it just doesn’t seem well — right.

It seems like blocks of text thrown together. Black words against the white background blinking at me, telling me, “No, this is wrong, this isn’t how it goes.”

But then, how does it go? If the words aren’t coming right, how their supposed to to the story then what am I to do?

Is it this strange feeling that something, somewhere is severely wrong that’s causing this anomaly?

Is it because I’m confused and have no way of knowing what is happening?

I feel like I’m slowly spiraling out of control of my emotions, however, I just grin and bear it. I hide behind the guise that everything’s fine, yes everything is great. Oh yeah, class was wonderful.

But it’s really not. Nothing is really wonderful.

I had a birthday on the 9th. A big 21. And while I don’t feel different — not age wise I do somehow feel, well, different.

Like a part of me is missing. But what is that part?

My birthday was fun, it wasn’t completely wonderful but fun. It wasn’t filled with gifts, I actually didn’t get any material gifts at all, only the gift of laughter and ice cream sundaes which, is satisfying enough for me.

At least, that was until I realized that someone whom I’ve gotten close to lately has seemed to have vanished, and disappeared from my life with no word or explanation as to why…

Could this be the source of that weird feeling? I might never know. Although, it certainly seems like I won’t ever know, and I think that’s probably what has my emotions out of sync with everything else.

It’s almost like they’ve shut down. I like can’t feel, or I’m not sure what to feel after being abandoned many times before that… well. It’s confusing that’s for sure.

Ah. Well, it’s after 5 now. The sun will be coming up soon, and my mom has to go to work in a little over a few hours. I have to get up for class then too.

Wish me luck fellow readers, and sorry for such a confusing ramble induced post.

Until next time,