So. Things might actually start be looking up. At least, I hope so. Hard times are still a thing of the present (my laptop is very much out of commission with no idea when it might be fixed) but I hope that may end soon. In regards to my laptop being — unusable at the moment, I’m borrowing a computer, however it has to be returned after the New Year. Alas though, I am currently (with the help of my mom) paying off a rental laptop that — with well wished good luck — stay running, since it is used.
The last post was from August, and with it being December that seems like such a long time ago with all that has changed. And suddenly it had — things went from bad, to worse, to now slightly better.
I faced some depression, and hopeless feelings. There was anger and angst and all sorts of confusing conflicting emotions — that I’ve only now begun to face and study head on. As I had stated in the last post, we were betrayed by very close family, but that is now a thing of the past — and I’m starting a new journey of letting it go and beginning a new chapter.
Thanks to the persistent work of a beloved neighbor and friend of where we used to live — we have found ourselves (and by we I do mean: my mom, my three siblings and myself) a small apartment that we can call our own away from the chaos of what used to be.
It’s not perfect by any means — but it is home and it is ours, until we get on our feet and we can move onto bigger things.
I can finally focus — for the most part — on writing and I am happy to say, my novel is turning out beautifully and I am almost completed it! Every time I finish a chapter I feel a little jittery in the most happy way I could feel it — and excited. I can’t begin to explain how it makes me feel but summing it up into one word it would be wonderful.
My mom finally found a part time job — and while it isn’t much, it is helping a lot more than what was had before. Things are not perfect, or even great by any means — but we are getting by.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching lately, and a lot of thinking — some tragic things happened with the (semi) death of my laptop. Luckily most of my files were backed up but when it stopped working — I had this feeling of doom and dread and those feelings still try to cloud my mind. There’s always that thought that something could happen — and what if it does? Thoughts that are hard to ignore and I felt hopeless again.
Without it — I’d not be able to finish my novel, the one thing I can hold onto and the one thing that makes me feel the uttermost happy, next to the love for my family.
Things so far have worked out on that front though — and with Christmas coming up again (and a year marked that I started this blog, and have sadly neglected it with other chaos happening) I know that maybe, just maybe things will begin to look up again — and I will be able to finish my novel, begin publishing videos (permitting I get the camera I asked for!) and start this new life — and start changing mine and my families lives — and then to conquer changing the lives of others.
I am not setting out yet to change the world — of course you have to take small steps, but I am looking to eventually make my mark on it.
I know what I’m going through doesn’t just stop at me. I know that everything I have felt is felt by many — and I want to make it known to others as many are already doing, that you aren’t alone. I’m not quite sure where to begin — but I’m sure I’ll find it. I’ll find my beginning, and my niche in the society of the world, and then I sincerely hope that I can begin my journey to reach out to others and maybe others can reach out to me — for help, or just a chat. 🙂
I’m not looking to become famous in my plans, or to become a celebrity by any means — I’m just looking to help people, and help people I hope to achieve.
Life has been going downhill for many the last few years — things have gotten worse in our world, maybe it’s time for everyone to stand up together and make a stance, take the walk, and change it for all of us. After all, strength is achieved in numbers.
I’m not sure when another post of mine will be posted — but I do hope it will be soon, and for any who read this — if your going through a tough time, and just need to vent or give a shout out — by all means do so. There’s no judging here, and never will be — to judge someone else is to judge yourself and your own faults. Take it from someone who has hit rock bottom and had to either sink — or swim. And I’m still swimming — despite the tide and the rip currents that toss you here and there. I’m still learning about myself and about everything around me.
Until next time dear readers!
Merry Christmas! Happy Solstice, and a very Happy New Year!