On the last post I talked about some really tough things happening right now. In this post I’m going to talk about how when tragedy hits — for those who are like my small family and I (this being my mom, and my three minor siblings) there is nobody out there that can seem to help?
So hence, I’ll try my best to start at the beginning, weeding out the whiny boring parts (I know everyone has problems in their lives, and I don’t want to be the one here that seems to be whining and begging for help — all I’m begging for is answers.)
All seemed well — or so we thought — in the household we called home. After a bad divorce (I’m sure I don’t need to go into details here) my father told my mom that since she got custody of us — the kids, and he got the house that we had to get out…
Fast forwarding forward, we end up in a nearby city approx. 2 to 3hrs from where he lives, living with my grandmother — my mother’s mom and other family members. They had told us they would provide a safe place with shelter and somewhere we can get back on our feet — we accepted having nowhere else to go — and no other family but they to help.
Fast forwarding again, we had to move from the previous house (as it was beginning to fall down from neglect) and we found a new house to live in — on the quiet side of the small city which we live. Upon moving here, the other family members — being an aunt, two uncles, and many cousins all went their separate ways, with my family unit and grandmother being the only ones to stay together in a single household.
That was almost close to 3 years ago. And coming back to the present — we have only now found out that we have been betrayed by our own family.
Today marks the biggest betrayal I have ever had in my short live of twenty years on earth. I think finding out that people who are supposed to be family — is one of the worse betrayals you can go through. It is up there with best friends and lovers.
I knew I would be hurt someday. I knew it would happen eventually, but to happen like this? And then to find out that there is no help out there to assist you no matter what agency you call, who you leave a message too — be it e-mail or phone — there is nobody.
I feel more helpless and useless as a human being now than ever. I can’t find a job in this failing economy and nor can my mother who has an AA in Criminal Investigations as well as a Private Investigation diploma.
The world has begun to fall — or at least just this country I still desperately want to love. But how can you love something that doesn’t love you? It hurts as much as knowing my own family is moving — leaving my siblings, mom and I homeless with winter — breathing down our necks. I can feel the season change in the air — between the hot August heat of the day and the cooling of September around the corner at night.
A symbolic sign of my anger boiling in the summer sun of betrayals and helplessness — and the cold sadness that we won’t survive the winter on the streets.
I pray every night for a miracle — just anything just something but so far nothing has come. Even staying up all night in the quiet to search for a place to go — and spending all day the next day after only 5hrs of sleep doing the same.
I’m thinking of making another blog — to document the process (or lack thereof) of this journey. From the beginning — of when life was good — to the inevitable end that is edging closer. An autobiography of how things go from good — to bad — to worse.
Well wishes and blessings,