Another Night – Back From Hiatus

Wow. It’s been awhile hasn’t it?

So much has happened, it’s hard to decide where to begin.

Well, I can say that we moved back to North Carolina from Tennessee. I’ve started school (again) and it’s been going on a strong nearly six months now.

I met someone at school whom I’ve gotten quite close too – it’s no joke she’s amazing. I literally have no idea what I would do without her. She’s become my best friend, and I’m grateful every single moment for her time and company.

Words can’t express how grateful I am, and while that’s cliche, it’s the damn honest truth.

Anyhow, It’s late here. 2:14 am in the morning. Yikes. And I need to get some sleep. I’m going to try to update more often now that I have some topics that I’d like to talk and discuss about. 😀 🙂

Sorry again for the long drought of silence. I’ll be back I hope soon!

Until then,



Happy Leap-Day!

Sorry haven’t been around in awhile. It’s been crazy this New Year. But I’m here again to wish everyone a happy Leap-Day! It only happens ever so often so couldn’t pass up the moment to wish everyone well on this extra day of February. 🙂 Hope all is well and everyone is doing good here in 2016.

I hope to release/write a longer post in the future so whoever is out there reading keep checking back for it. And until then, everyone have a great day! 🙂 😀


First Day of Fall – 2015

Well, the first day of fall has come and gone, it honestly just felt like another day to me.

Here lately nothing has really changed. All days blend together and things seem to get worse and worse, suppose that’s the way it goes when you’re part of a very, very, very poor family.

I’ve tried to stay positive, tried to keep up the smiles and the laughter and the thinking, ‘Everything is going to be okay,’ attitude but my resolve is starting to falter.

I’ve noticed lately, no matter how early I go to sleep, I can’t seem to wake up. It’s like I’m perpetually tired and trapped in this cruel nightmare that reminds me of Groundhog Day.

Almost like I’m stuck on a hamster wheel and every day is the same with just a different name.

I can’t even seem to focus on art or writing anymore. Everything I used to love and enjoy just feels like work now. Work that is going nowhere and will only been seen by my eyes.

I know this is negative thinking. I shouldn’t think negative, hell, I’m talking to myself practically typing these words.

But really, I don’t believe anything is going to change. No matter how hard I try, how hard I push, how hard I focus everything, every tiny ounce of energy into everything I do. It never seems to be enough.

Someone else comes by and shoots me down or another tragedy happens and everything gets thrown to the back burner.

In truth I’m sick of it. But what am I to do?

There is nothing anymore. Nobody out there that will pat me on the back and say, “Keep going, keep fighting,” because honestly there is nobody. I’m really alone. Anytime I try to express my feelings and pent up emotions to anyone in my family or anyone I know, they never understand.

They always say, “Why the attitude?” “Why are you upset?” “You have nothing to be upset about,” or my favorite, “Everything isn’t about you, try and think about other peoples feelings.”

All I’ve been doing as of late is thinking of others feelings, but then when it comes to my feelings, none of them want to hear it. And those that do, really don’t. Sure they ask, how are you feeling? You’re honest with them and well, that’s the end of that. No time for it, or you automatically become self-centered.

Aren’t friends supposed to be there for each other? I’ll listen and help you through problems, if you’ll do the same for me?

I guess I have a different outlook on friendship than others. It’s sad, and to be honest I’m just done with everything. I keep hitting walls no matter which way I go, and I’m just tired. Always tired.

I was looking forward to the first day of fall, since it leads up to my favorite holiday, Halloween. But honestly, the only thing that has fallen so far, is me.

I’m not trying to be melodramatic. I’m all around serious. I have no idea what I’m headed for, and to be frank, it’s beginning to scare me a bit. I feel trapped, all alone, and unheard. 😦 I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sorry for blabbing, if there’s any readers out there (haha, right?) that has felt the same, could someone give me a bit of advice? Please?

Until next time,


Perseids Meteor Shower (and other possible news)

What a hectic month. School starting up for siblings, the seasons changing, etc, etc.

I’ve neglected my blog and it happens here and there, which is a shame, I started this hoping to post everyday or every other day. Seeing as that hasn’t exactly happened, I do try to post something when the mood strikes or when I can.

So tonight, I’m posting about the Perseid Meteor shower happening, in fact, right now.

It’s pretty cloudy outside my window; and the street lights don’t make it very easy to see, but I see one shoot by here and there. I wonder if making wishes upon shooting stars actually come true? Only one way to find out I suppose.

It brings back memories of staying up well past almost 4 am with my mom to film the total lunar eclipse when I was about eleven years old. It was freezing where we lived, but we sat out in the drive way with blankets, a thermos of coffee, the lawn chairs and the camera and filmed the whole thing.

It was lots of fun, taking turns holding the camera so the other could go inside and warm up their hands. Haha.

Also reminds me of setting out in the yard one night, listening to the night bugs sing a little after my birthday pretty late in the night, just to watch a meteor shower, similar to the one happening now. Only then they were shooting around the sky, it was amazing how many there were at once. Something I’ll never forget, for both good and bad reasons. However being in the past, it’s good to try and put the bad to rest, and only remember the good times.

Though I’m a firm believer that everything has to be balanced. I just wish that it seemed the good outweighed the bad more times then not. It seems to always find a way too, it just also seems to take forever in the balancing act.

And well, in other news here lately I’ve met a lot of interesting people, have had a lot of interesting conversations, and have watched most of them fade away. It’s funny, that we as humans get bored so easily with others of the species. The conversation starts out interesting and fresh but in most cases, more so then not, it always ends with someone becoming bored.

There are the rare cases though, that the conversation keeps going. Which, I hope in a few of my new friends is the case, but time will tell, and as always I’m keeping my cards close to my chest. I’ve been left behind far too many times to get cozy with it, to think, “Oh this person is amazing, I’m sure we’ll be friends for years to come.” Only to have them disappear within two days after the fact, or in some cases they turn weird on you, asking for nude photos or something else completely awkward. It makes me wonder why all guys turn out to be that way? Well, not all I’m sure, but the majority I’ve met through the inter webs and in person have all turned out that way. I always get the feeling when I decline is when things go sour, and more times than hasn’t that’s exactly what has happened. It’s sad, but not much can be done right?

Although, so far it has helped that most I talk to know prefer snail mail letter communication rather than email and text. Ugh. I hate text.

I know hate is a strong word, but texting is an unnecessary evil. Sure, it’s practical and it creates fast lines of communication, but ah…just something about it makes me completely uncomfortable, maybe it’s just me?

Of course, emailing may be easier since a few are in California (which is just awesome), one in UK, and then others spread out around the country. Oh and also, shout out to South Korea and Japan, too! 🙂 😀

Well, moving along I suppose, since I’m still working out my thoughts on the surreal experience of learning about other cultures and countries by those that experience it. Pretty amazing, and it sets up a good guide for when I will finally be traveling. Maybe I’ll even know some of them long enough that they can be my tour guides? 🙂 That would be cool, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Which seems to be something I do a lot and need to do less of.

Aside from meteors (yep their still out there, which is awesome just wish I still had my telescope D: Haha.) and meeting new people, making new friends; I’ve finally started writing again. Albeit, not greatly or by any means have I gotten much finished but there’s some stories I’m working on that I want to talk about, I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it right now. Which is one of the downsides of having mainly only snail mail friends, and when my emailing friend is bored with writing or really doesn’t give a crap about it, it can get lonely.

So, I’ll resort to talking about it on my blog, to people…who may or may not read this far. (I’m counting more on the latter though).

The titles for upcoming and ongoing stories are:

-Lord of the Wolves – (currently in the editing stages before it gets polished up and tied hopefully with a neat bow, but it’s going to take time. A lot of time.)

-The Revenir – (this one is a little trickier, I have to be in a certain mood and frame of mind to combat all the dark and evil happening in the grotesque world of cops, the newly reborn dead, and serial killers. It’s set in the same universe as Lord of the Wolves and some other stories, but it’s a lot…’darker’ than LotW.)

-Of Mischief + Mayhem – (this is a short story that came to me when a friend challenged me with a writing prompt. It takes place during Mardi Gras in New Orleans, when a bounty hunter that works for an unnamed Shadowman is hunting down those that are on a list. The bounty hunter however has a change of heart when he meets someone on the list that he doesn’t think did anything wrong, just found herself in a wrong place at the wrong time situation. Of course there’s more to it than that, mystery, action, maybe some sci-fi here and there, going to be cool. If and when it ever gets completed. Lol.) 🙂

-Saga of the Seven Sages – (Working title) – (this story was inspired by a dream and somethings I had been reading about the night and days after the dream. I won’t go into details here because it’s still in the early stages. But I will say it is a fantasy piece and it will have magic powers, possible demon like creatures and all sorts of crazy freaky things. The world of the Sages is going to be vast, diverse, and very, very dangerous, but I can’t wait to go on the journey with the protagonist, and her sister.) 🙂

-Dark as Ebony (Also a Working title) – (this one is a little lighter, it’s a romance, a comedy and a drama all in one. Based slightly and loosely on an idea my sister had and also partly on a dream I had, it follows the story of the Grim Reaper’s son, as he navigates the world trying to figure out his abilities, while working as the unofficial body guard of a famous actress and Hollywood lawyer’s daughter. And I’m sure many will know how it goes, partly, from there. It’s not like any romance/comedy/drama piece though, it’s got some weirdness too it, as most my writings have. And twist and turns that are, in all brutal honesty, probably suck, but it’s a challenge and I like challenging myself, and I’ve never written much romance by myself before. I hope it’ll be fun. :))

And there you have it! A small idea on what I’m working on, and what not. I didn’t even go into detail on the asylum story that a friend is now helping with a little on. I try to keep ideas opened, different things going at the same time. That way if one I get stuck on I always have others to choose from. I’m sure there’s other ones I’ve forgotten about, Haha. I’ll save those for another post though. 🙂

So until next time, and for those watching the meteor shower, you’re awesome! 😀 😀 🙂


11:43 – Documenting Chain of Events

This evening while walking to the post office and back enjoying an ice cream from Diary Queen (in the honor of my uncle’s birthday,) my mom said something interesting.

“The air out here feels like it did the two weeks before 9/11.”

…So, is that the source of the strange feeling then?

It certainly was an interesting observation. As she has also been experiencing the same weird feeling I’ve felt for a little while now. She then turned to me and said, “Do you remember that, or were you too young still?”

Truth is, I do remember it. I remember all of it.

In fact there were family, friends, and some of my dad’s closest memories tied to those buildings, and tied to New York.

I’d never seen him cry so much until that day, I still remember it like it happened only yesterday. My uncle if he hadn’t woken up late and missed his subway would’ve died in the first building where his office was.

It was a scary day, one that shook the country to it’s core.

The only question that now remains is, what is the feeling tied too now? What is the connection? What’s going to happen? The funny thing is, there’s no way too know.

My mom said she didn’t think anyone else knew what she was talking about, I knew, but none of my other siblings that are currently living with me  did. (My 14 year old sister was born in 2000 and only almost a year old and my other two siblings were born after the event.)

It had an almost ominous feeling. The air was stagnant and almost held a looming dread, it was almost like, dare I say it? It was almost like death was close by.

And while that might sound dramatic and spooky, it was true.

I just worry now, if something big happens again, or something BIGGER, what will be the reaction to a world already ravaged?

Stuff to think on I guess.

Until next time,


4:40 am – Can’t Sleep Again… Sigh.

So this seems to be happening a lot more lately, which is puzzling.

I went through some terrible insomnia once before, and this is starting to get scary again. The last time was pretty weird… Although I’ll save everyone time by not going on about that.

Well, I was watching the show ‘Castle’ again, but this time by myself. It actually is pretty good, I had seen a few episodes a few years ago, but lost track. Feels good to catch up and it has most things I like in it.

Mystery, crimes, two hilarious leads, and engaging stories. All it’s missing is a horror or paranormal element to be a complete package of what I like, but it works without those things, and not everything can be horror or paranormal related. That would just be boring if it was.

And I like variety anyways.

One reason I’m writing this post is that strange feeling came back again. That weird one of something isn’t right somewhere, but it’s almost like I can’t pinpoint the what, where, or even how I’m feeling it.

There’s been a lot of times when my gut instinct has told me something, and I didn’t act on it, and something terrible happened. However, this time I don’t know what I need to be acting on to prevent or learn what is to come.

I’m not sure I’d call it ‘psychic’ but clearly something is happening and I’m not a fan of the strange feeling that keeps appearing out of nowhere. Not even watching a TV show could drown it out this evening.

Makes me wonder, am I losing my mind or something? I don’t even know what that is anymore to be honest.

Maybe this weirdness is coming from the death in the family I learned about a few days ago.

It wasn’t anyone I was close too, and it might sound cold but, it was someone who was supposed to be family that betrayed me last year. I didn’t feel much when I learned they were gone, just a sense of it being somehow surreal.

Could they really be gone? Was it true? At first I didn’t believe it, but I soon found out. Yep. It was very true.

It was strange, but… Maybe I’m just heartless? I didn’t feel anything. As soon as the words came, “They’re gone.”

…I drew a blank. I went, “What?” And of course my sister had to repeat what she said.

But I’m not sure so much if it was because I didn’t hear her right or if it dealt more with the strange dream I had the night before the news broke out.

Of course I’d go into more details but I’m still coming to terms with it, so I think I’ll save it for another post at another time.

Well, it’s almost 5am now and the silence is eerie. Nothing is making a sound but my fingers across this keyboard.

Not much scares me, but whatever this is… feeling, premonition, deja vu, I don’t know. It is no doubt, starting to freak me out a bit.

And as I sit here, in front of the window the streetlight outside keeps going on and off. Anyone ever get the feeling you’ll be typing on the computer and you’ll look outside and someone will be standing there? Yeah. Well I’m getting that feeling now.

Time to close the blinds. Only problem is then, it still feels like I’m being watched.

Ugh. I guess there’s no rest for a ghost magnet sadly, sometimes I understand how Jennifer Love-Hewitt felt in Ghost Whisperer. Can’t nobody catch a break?

Ha. Just thought of a weird twist, what if it’s not a ghost but actually somebody….?

Well, I’m rambled for too long. Now off to watch more Castle, and wait for the sun to come up…when I can actually get some sleep. Makes me wonder have I actually turned into a vampire? Could be convenient, I’d not have to worry about eating food anymore, could save a lot of money. Although, not so sure I could get into blood drinking. Doesn’t sound very pleasant to me.

Goodnight fellow bloggers and readers, and hopefully my strange posts don’t scare you off. This is just one of those random products of being up too late and being over tired but unable to sleep. I’m sure many have been there before and knows what it feels like.

And now,

Until next time my readers (and possible lack thereof)


Paper Mache Lanterns

Today my sister found the instructions to make paper mache lanterns. 🙂

It’s been a long time since I’ve worked with paper mache making pinata’s for the Halloween parties we used to do when I was a kid.

I would go into a funny experience with one that we reinforced with duct tape so it would last longer but I’ll save that for another time.

Anyways, what started out as serious work ended up hilarious when our kitten, Nagisa, tried to help and eat the paper mache. Haha.

We’ve made two so far but their still in the beginning stages and I’ll post photos of them as soon as their finished! 😀

As well as a new painting I’m working on that I think is coming along great.

Until next time readers,


Metaphorical Masquerades

Well, a friend and I were talking about masquerades and being a big fan of the Phantom of the Opera she got off on the metaphors for masquerades in stories, books, films, tv shows and anywhere else they sometimes can make an appearance.

I was thinking about it, and it’s interesting concept that most use masquerades as a metaphor of hidden danger, secret identity, and mystery.

It’s a way to let yourself go, so to speak, to become something else that your not. Of course it an be noted that a similar effect of this same type of metaphor is placed on the Halloween holiday as well.

I’m a firm believer that it’s that mystery, the uncertainty and that almost powerful edge you feel during a masquerade (or Halloween party for that matter) that draws people in.

It’s that idea that you can be, and do almost anything you want in those few hours of the party or ball, and it’s likely nobody will ever know. (That is unless of course you have Sherlock Holmes on your trail, but I’ll leave that for another post.)

One aspect of the masquerade that I’ve always been personally drawn too is the masks. Their always so elegant and visual, with so much detail that it’s not wonder you rarely notice whose behind the mask. With such precision and handiwork taken to create those stunning creations, it just adds to the mystery.

I also want to take note on what the word means: (Although, it has many, many meanings it would appear.)





  1. A costume party at which masks are worn; a masked ball. Also called masque.
  2. A costume for such a party or ball.


  1. a.A disguise or false outward show; a pretense: a masquerade of humility.
  2. An involved scheme; a charade.

intr.v., mas.quer.ades

  1. To wear a mask or disguise, as at a masquerade: She masqueraded as a shepherd.
  2. To go about as if in disguise; have or put on a deceptive appearance: The stowaway masqueraded as a crew member.

[French: mascarade, from Italian mascarata, variant of mascherata from Old Italian, maschera, mask; see mask.]

 mas’quer’ad’er n.

It’s interesting to me, how one word (and this is with almost every word as well) can have one meaning that is usually most associated with it.

Much like with masquerade, it’s normally more associated with being deceived, deception, and things not appearing as they should and/or would seem.

Which goes back of course, to the original reason for this posting. The metaphorical side of the word masquerade, and the reasoning behind it being due to the mystery and the hidden agendas that could be and/or carried out at the masquerade party.

It does make one wonder, if this is the reasoning why most would give sentences such as:

“The criminal’s masquerade was over, he wasn’t actually Mr. Bronx, the CEO of a respectable company. He is actually Mr. Sherwin, a con artist and known petty thief.”

In regards to the word ‘masquerade’? I think so, because most of the time, at least fifty percent of the time a masquerade is shown (at least in my experience that is,) something is about to go down that will blow the story, film, book, show or whatever other media is may be in, wide opened.

I suppose though, that’s just the beauty of such a multi-dimensional word and one that can mean something as graceful as an elegant party and also double as deception and treachery.

Another metaphor to be noted, and that could be used is how sometimes treachery and deception can be beautiful and deadly; before the truth comes out. Just like a masquerade can be elegant and a thing of beauty, but also hold that same deception and treachery behind it’s costumes and masks.

It is certainly a topic to get the creative mind working. 🙂

And now,

Until next time, my readers!